I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will pee on everything he values.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
