He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
