I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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