someone owes me an orgasm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
