it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
