so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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