Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
