Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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