He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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