First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i came on her dog
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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