you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize