Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
