dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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