I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
