foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
