Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
