What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize