I wanna bring you to show and tell
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
