That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
