Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
