just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
