he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
