I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
