im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
