Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
high people should be assigned attendants
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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