Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
