That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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