New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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