At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
