god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
