remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
