Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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