I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish i was in the wii world.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
