I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
