Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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