I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
