sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
