FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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