Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
