Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
