They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
