wat bout pragnant strippers??
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
