...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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