So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
