i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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