I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
