he thought i was a dude.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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