i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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