so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
