so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
