I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
