Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
