You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
being pregnant is like rehab
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
