What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
