The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize