Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
