woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
