Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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