margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
