I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize