Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
