I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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