Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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