At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
