Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
