I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize