oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize