Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
