And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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