Can Purell be used as lube?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
