I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize