i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
