i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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