There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize